Brief guide to living with Dementia
With help and support, someone living with dementia can live well and continue to enjoy life by focusing on what they can do. It’s so important to keep people with dementia in a positive frame of mind. Dementia is unique to every individual however by following three golden rules you can encourage a sense of well being and contentment that can improve the life of the person living with dementia and the people closest to them.
The 3 Golden rules for a contented dementia
- Avoid asking direct questions whenever possible
- Never contradict or argue
- Learn from the expert i.e. the person living with dementia
You could add your own rules to this list such as: never make assumptions; always listen and offer comfort, and don’t get angry. Easier said than done we know but definitely worth a try. It takes 66 days to form a new habit so it might take a while to get into a new way of caring for someone but we know these methods work and you will get there eventually.
The 3 Golden rules explained
Avoid asking direct questions whenever possible
Asking a person that is living with dementia a direct question makes the assumption that they will understand what is being asked of them. In many cases they will understand you however each day will be different and if they have little comprehension of what has been said to them they will struggle to find the right words for their answer. This presents the risk of causing the person anxiety, stress and confusion; all of which could be avoided by thinking before we speak and trying to reword our question into an indirect format. Remember, a question that you consider to be straightforward and easy to understand can be completely the opposite to the individual living with dementia.
Never contradict or argue
People living with dementia often lose empathy and it is therefore pointless to argue with them, as they will almost always not see things from your point of view. The golden rule here is to remember that you don’t need to agree with them but that openly disagreeing is likely to cause resentment and confusion and in many cases they will become angry and agitated. Better to change the subject or leave the room and return a couple of minutes later with a smile and a comforting word or a hug. Contradicting someone or correcting him or her will have the same affect and should be avoided at all costs leading to a much calmer and soothing environment for everyone concerned.
Learn from the expert
At some point the person in your care will continually ask the same question over and over. Your effort to repeat your answer and try to make this clear will not resolve the issue and the questions will continue. The individual living with dementia is not deliberately trying to annoy you they simply don’t understand your answer. By adopting the mind set that it is the disease and not the person that is causing their behavioural changes you will find that life becomes a little easier for you. The reason for the repeated question is that your answer is not the one they were expecting or looking for. Keeping a diary with a note of each question asked will help you to identify the correct answer. It’s a matter of trial and error until your answer delivers the correct and expected response. Your loved one may well be living in the past and they will see the world completely differently from those around them. If you can, it is important to try to live in the same reality and to see things from their perspective. Trying to put them straight and showing them that their actions are confusing to you is not going to help the situation and risks upset and confusion when the individual fails to understand why you are not seeing or feeling the same things as they are.
In summary
The person living with dementia is the same as anyone else in as much as they need to feel valued, loved and respected. They need to have a sense of purpose and personal worth and that they have the right to make decisions and be in control of their life.
They will need to feel that they can interact socially and not be judged and that they have your trust and confidence that whatever happens all will turn out for the best in the end.
By following the three golden rules you can ensure that you and your loved one live a contented and fulfilling life whatever dementia has in store for them. We share the Contented Dementia Trust philosophy when it comes to caring for and living with people living with dementia.
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